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Hi everyone! Abby here.
After writing the post about goals the other night, I started thinking about applying them to myself. At that moment, a pretty rough realization hit me. I had decided to put my pointe shoes on for the first time in weeks. All my shoes are pretty dead, and I haven't bothered to replace them because I don't really need new ones. I took myself through a decent little pointe class that left me comfortably sore. It was pleasant.
But, there's no real reason for me to set any goals anymore. I am retired. There are no classes for me to take, because I am always teaching. I do give myself class at home, but when I am in a full schedule of homeschooling my son, cleaning, choreographing/planning what I will teach, teaching, and coming home to cook dinner - there's really no time left for this. It's what I get to do on a rare day off, or when I am so happy to procrastinate on cleaning that I put other things aside and do it anyway.
I can desperately attempt to stay in some kind of shape so I don't completely fall apart, but there really is no moving forward anymore. Part of me mourns this, and part of me is completely content. To be honest, there are moments sometimes where the thought of tights and leotards is just - blah. Where I'm incredibly glad I don't have to be the one putting my hair in a bun everyday or repeating the fondu combination on relevé. I find myself telling my students more times than not, "Better you than me."
I'm not sure that I have fully accepted this new phase. Not as what is permanent. And who knows, maybe it won't be. Never say never to the future. I could always end up getting back in shape for something. But right now, I can happily eat a little extra chocolate each night, knowing there's no reason to be in shape like I am when I'm performing.
I'm sharing this because it's easy to see people on Facebook and Instagram doing all kinds of great things. And while I can be happy for them, and they can inspire me, it's not my reality right now. Maybe it's not your reality either. I have different goals for myself as a teacher and a mom, and right now those are my priority.
So, if you read that last post, and thought, "This really isn't for me - I'm not here right now," just know, I'm with you. And it's ok.
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